A digital alarm clock quietly stood watch over a small, cramped bedroom from atop a dresser. It was not a tidy room in any sense of the word. The paint on the walls was cracked and peeling; the floor was littered with dirty clothing and cardboard boxes. A set of musty, moth-eaten curtains hung over the windows, preventing any light from getting through. A single dingy lightbulb dangled from the ceiling, swaying gently back and forth. Across from the dresser, there was a bed, covered by a thick blanket. The covers rose and fell in a steady rhythm. Except for the quiet sounds of breathing coming from the bed, the air was perfectly still; nothing disturbed the absolute serenity of the room. Without so much as a click or a beep, the clock's display changed from 7:59 to 8:00. A moment later, the alarm came to life, filling the air with an ear- piercing blaring noise that shattered the peaceful silence. A hand emerged from underneath the covers, groping blindly. After a few moments of fruitless searching, the hand retreated beneath the blanket, and the covers were thrown aside violently. The occupant of the bed, a young man, sat up, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Reaching over, he yanked the alarm clock's plug out of the wall socket by the cord, silencing the machine abruptly. A welcome silence settled over the room. The man stretched, grunted, and dragged himself out of bed. He glanced at the mirror hanging on the wall. His reflection stared back at him- matted black hair, dark brown eyes, which thanks to lack of sleep were more red than anything else, and a five-o-clock shadow. He turned away with a dissatisfied grunt and stumbled off to the kitchen. He cracked open the refrigerator door and peered inside. It was almost bare, holding only a container of orange juice, a carton of eggs, and a slightly overripe grapefruit. Grumbling to himself, he whipped up a quick breakfast, doing the best he could with what he had. After sitting down to eat, he inhaled deeply, savoring the aroma of fresh orange juice, piping hot toast, tangy grapefruit, and... rotten eggs? He sniffed the air again. No doubt about it, something definitely smelled foul. He held his breath, and in the quiet that followed, a hissing sound became noticeable. The man got up and wandered around the kitchen, inspecting it for signs of something amiss. First the refrigerator, which was humming normally, then the radiator, then the stove. On a whim, he put his ear to one of the gas pipes. Sure enough, they were leaking, slowly filling the room with foul-smelling gas. "Damnit, that's the second time this month!" he grumbled. He glanced at the clock on the wall and cringed. "I'm gonna be late for class! I'll call the landlord when I get back." "Stupid, rundown apartment," he thought. "God, how I hate this place. I hate the peeling walls, the scratched-up furniture, the faucet that drips, and I especially hate the leaky pipes!" He wolfed down the rest of his breakfast, threw his bookbag over his shoulder, and shuffled to the door. He turned the doorknob and pulled, ready to dash off to class, but the door remained shut. Puzzled, he tried again, without success. Snarling, he shoved the door, then kicked it viciously, hard enough to rattle the hinges. "Dammit! Open up, you stupid door!" He kicked the door repeatedly, screaming and cursing. "Lemme out! Lemme out, you damn door! Why the hell won't it open? Aaaarrrggh! Dammit! If it's not one thing, it's another! I'm calling the tenant union! I hate this stupid cheap apartment! Damn that landlord! Why doesn't he ever fix anything? Dammit dammit dammit!" He slammed his foot into the door until he was exhausted and gasping for breath. Seething with rage, he frantically looked around the kitchen for something to pry open the door with. The dilapidated chair. The toaster. The wooden sign that read, "Kaji's Place". The handgun lying in an open drawer. The- An evil smile spread slowly over Kaji's face. He strolled over to the drawer, taking slow, deliberate steps, and picked up the gun, cradling it lovingly. He grinned at the door. "Time to do a little 'door repair', heh heh heh." He held the gun up to the lock and squinted. "This'll teach the landlord not to put off repairs." Gritting his teeth, he hissed, "Knock knock," and squeezed the trigger. *BOOOOOOOOOM* *** Deep within the heart of downtown Tokyo, there lies an institution of higher learning known as Mitsuhara University. Among universities, Mitsuhara's reputation is second to none. Students from all over Japan go there to become productive members of society. Successful professionals in every field- be it science, business, medicine, or law- look back fondly on the lessons they learned during their time at Mitsuhara. The campus is large and spacious, but small enough to have a cozy atmosphere. The air is crisp and clean, and the sidewalks are lined with lush green hedges and trees. By day, the campus is filled with students on their way to class or just relaxing during their free time. By night, it is lit by the glow from the rooms of diligent students busily doing homework or cramming for exams. The students of Mitsuhara come from all walks of life, and their interests are as diverse as their backgrounds. Art, music, dance, theater, athletics... the list goes on and on. A wide variety of clubs (or circles, as they are commonly known) have sprung up to serve their needs. Most of these clubs are fairly ordinary, like the rock-climbing group, or the gardening club, or the animation club. One club, however, stands out from the rest. In a non-descript room on the top floor of the Mitsuhara Multi-Disciplinary Research Institute, the Society for the Scientifically Inquisitive and the Intellectually Curious meets each day. Although the name is grandiose, it is somewhat misleading. While it sounds like an organization for stuffy academic types, it's actually a club for people get together informally and talk about whatever's on their mind. Certainly, there are inventors and tinkerers among its members, but there are far more ordinary folks. It's like a permanent town hall meeting. The club is open to the general public, and many people from the surrounding community choose to take part. What sets this club (simply referred to as "the club" by the members) apart from the rest is the one thing every member of it lacks: common sense. Not the common sense that tells you that the sky is blue or that water is wet, but that sense of self-preservation instinctive to all humans. Or at least, most of them. Lack of common sense is more than just embarrassing; in today's modern world, it can be fatal. Because of this, many club members have met untimely ends. The cause of death varies. It could be lightning, or burns, or poisoning, or firearms. In each case, the tragic event could have been avoided with just a little bit of forethought. Most people just shake their heads, then shrug their shoulders and move on. But not everyone feels sorrow at the passing of a fellow human being. In fact, some believe that it is a good thing, though they would never say so out loud. They feel that such people are actually doing mankind a favor by taking themselves out of the running to continue the species, as it were. A cruel theory, perhaps, but a logical one. It is survival of the fittest, in its purest, most basic form. The strong survive, the weak pass on in idiotic and well-deserved fashion. That's why some cynics refer to the club by another name. A name that is whispered behind people's backs and scrawled on back alley walls. They call it... The Darwin Society Super Self-Destructive Idiots of Destiny! Created by NeoPuu Chapter 1: Darwin Shrugged Written by NeoPuu It was a bright and sunny afternoon. The clock tower's bell had just rung, and the main quad was filled with students on their way to their next class. All in all, it was an ordinary day. A young girl with curly pink hair and blue eyes made her way through the crowded quad, dodging other students with practiced ease. Her name was Rakiko Suriyama, and at first glance, she seemed no different from any of the multitudes of freshmen walking around. But Rakiko was no ordinary girl- she was one of the Darwin Society's "brightest" stars. Alone, this would have marked her as unusual, but even among the members of that infamous group, Rakiko stood out. She wasn't any more endowed with common sense than the others; far from it. What made her so special was her uncanny knack of surviving her frequent and hare-brained inspirations. Time and time again, she did something foolhardy that by rights should have killed her, yet each time she emerged completely unscathed. She was truly a child of Fortune. At the moment, Rakiko wasn't too concerned about her penchant for danger (not that she was ever aware of it). She was in a hurry, and having to navigate through the crowds was making things more difficult. She glanced around periodically, as if looking for someone. Just then, she spotted a girl with short black hair standing underneath a tree, looking irritable. "Hey, Iruka! What's up!" she cheerfully called out. "Get the hell away from me, you walking disaster area!" her friend yelled back. To be accurate, Iruka was not really Rakiko's friend. While Rakiko considered Iruka her best friend, Iruka regarded Rakiko as a menace to society and a severe threat to her well-being, and for good reason. Iruka was a sensible girl. She looked both ways before crossing the street, wore a jacket when it was cold out, and took good care of herself in general. Given a choice, she would have stayed as far away from Rakiko as possible. After all, she figured, just because Rakiko lead a charmed life didn't mean the people around her were safe. She was a time bomb just waiting to go off. To her perpetual dismay, the choice wasn't hers. Rakiko tagged along wherever she went, inevitably dragging her into one of her insanely stupid schemes. And no matter how hard Iruka tried to avoid Rakiko, somehow she would be there. Eventually she gave up trying to escape her "friend" and resigned herself to her fate. But just because she accepted her burden didn't mean she had to be stoic about it. Not a day went by without her cursing the mistake she made when she and Rakiko first met. It was on a cloudy, rainy day- the first day of the fall term... *** Iruka cursed the rain and shifted her grip on the umbrella for the umpteenth time. All around her, the rain was coming down in torrents. It pooled in rapidly growing puddles that made navigating the sidewalks a treacherous task. The sky was dark and overcast, lit up by occasional flashes of lightning. All in all, it was a pretty rotten day to have class, Iruka thought to herself. She could see the concrete building that housed the Psychology department up ahead in the distance, through the wind and the driving rain. It was a welcome sight, illuminated by the warm glow of lamp posts. "Good," Iruka thought, "just a few more minutes and I can get out of this rain." She trudged up the path, cautiously stepping around the larger puddles. There was a muffled cough from somewhere close by. Startled, Iruka spun around. She looked at the building, the clusters of trees, and in the direction she had come from, but saw no one. "Who's there?" she shouted. She held her breath and waited, but the only response was the sound of raindrops spattering against the sidewalk. "Hello? Is anyone there?" she asked, dropping her voice to a whisper. She peered into the gloom, hoping to catch a glimpse of whoever it was. "Maybe I just imagined it," she reasoned. "The rain's making too much racket to hear anyone over it." Before she finished the thought, a flash of lightning illuminated the area. The brief flash of light revealed a haggard face, not ten feet away from her own. "EEEEEYAAAAHHHHH!" Iruka screamed. She leapt backward, flailing her arms. Taking a deep breath, she pointed a trembling finger and shouted, "Stay back! Don't come near me!" There was no response. She circled the tree cautiously, curious despite herself, but ready to flee at a moment's notice. The figure slumping against it was quiet, so quiet that at first she couldn't even tell if it was alive. Then it sneezed violently, causing her to squeal in terror. "Stay away! I mean it!" she shrieked, her voice cracking. Despite her demands, it shuffled forward, slowly but relentlessly. As it emerged into the dim light, its true nature became apparent. Iruka blinked. Instead of the knife-wielding, trenchcoat-wearing maniac she was expecting, it was a girl about her age, wearing typical student clothing. She was completely drenched. Mournful blue eyes gazed at Iruka from underneath tangled bangs. Water steadily dripped off her matted pink hair and sodden skirt and blouse. The girl started to say something, but sneezed again instead. Iruka laughed to herself. With her drooping posture and bedraggled appearance, the girl hardly seemed threatening. She relaxed visibly, the tension draining out of her shoulders, chiding herself for being so easily frightened. She leaned forward and carefully lowering her voice, said, "Sorry about that. You startled me." She looked puzzled for a moment. "What are you doing standing out in the rain on a day like this?" "I got lost on the way to class and got caught out in the rain," the girl mumbled. "Sorry if I startled you. I was just resting, that's all." "My name's Rakiko," she added. "Nice meeting you." "I'm Iruka," Iruka replied. "So..." she said, "where were you trying to get to? Maybe I can give you directions." "The Psychology building." "Oh that?" Iruka said. "It's right over there." She pointed to the concrete building at the end of the path. Rakiko brightened. "Really? Great! Thank you very much!" She bowed and turned to leave. A sympathetic twinge passed through Iruka as she watched Rakiko trudge up the path to the Psych building. With every step she took, her shoes made a soft squishing noise, and with each squish, Iruka felt a pang of shame over her earlier foul mood. "Here I am feeling sorry for myself about being outside, and she hasn't said a word about being soaking wet." "Wait a minute," she called out. Rakiko halted and looked back. "Yes?" Iruka hesitated, unsure. "Is something the matter?" Rakiko asked, cocking her head to one side. Iruka ran up to Rakiko and held out her umbrella. "Here, you can borrow it," she said, pressing it into the other girl's hand. "Don't you need it?" Rakiko said. She moved to hand it back, but Iruka was already off and running. "It's okay! The rain'll stop by the time class gets out!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then she was through the double doors and out of sight. Rakiko stood there, holding her newly acquired umbrella over her head. Her eyes glistened as she stared after the long-departed girl. "Thank you," she whispered. When the professor finally finished his long, droning monologue, Iruka virtually flew out the door. Upon stepping outside, she was pleased to see that the rain had indeed stopped and the sun was peeking through the clouds. It was nice enough to allow herself the luxury of a smile, she decided, and a rare smile slowly spread over her face. "Hi there," a voice said. Iruka jumped straight up with an "Aah!" The smile vanished instantly, replaced by a scowl. "Who's there?" she demanded, looking left and right. "Me," the voice meekly supplied. Iruka spun on her heels a full 180 degrees. "Oh, it's only you," she said, visibly relaxing. Rakiko waved somewhat abashedly. "I wanted to return this," she explained, handing back Iruka's umbrella. "Thanks for helping me out back there." "It was nothing, really," Iruka mumbled. "Anyone would've done the same." She shifted her backpack's position. "See you around," she said, walking away. "Wait up!" Rakiko caught up to Iruka and walked alongside, matching her step for step. "So..." she began, "what did you think of Professor Morita's lecture on Pavlovian responses?" Iruka frowned. "Huh? How'd you know about that?" Rakiko smiled. "I saw you in the back when I came in. I guess we're in the same class." "Ahh," Iruka nodded. "That makes sense." "So what did you think?" Rakiko prompted. "Huh? Oh that." Iruka shrugged. "I dunno, I guess it was okay. I had a hard time with the test we just got back, though." She glanced at her companion. "How about you?" "Oh, I'm pretty happy with how I did. I just love Morita's theories on human rationality and behavior. He's so brilliant," Rakiko gushed. "Hooray," Iruka mumbled. Rakiko kept talking, oblivious to her friend's reticence. At first she was reluctant, but gradually Iruka opened up, and before long, the girls were carrying on an animated conversation. They strolled through the center of campus to the far side, talking the whole time. They were still talking when suddenly Rakiko trailed off in mid-sentence. Iruka glanced over to find her staring wordlessly, gazing off into the distance. "What is it?" Iruka asked. Rakiko raised a hand and pointed. "Look, over there." Iruka squinted. "Hmm? I don't see anything. Oh wait, I see it." A long black cable lay on the sidewalk ahead, winding through the road. One end of it dangled freely over the curb. It was frayed, with the wiring inside exposed. Sparks flew intermittenly from it, buzzing angrily. Though the end itself rested on dry ground, it was surrounded by puddles of water. Iruka traced the length of the cable with her eyes; it took a meandering path through the street, twisting, turning, eventually scaling a telephone pole. She shuddered. "Downed power line. We'd better take the long way around. C'mon Rakiko, let's go." She started down another road, carefully stepping around the larger puddles. Despite the splashing her shoes made, it seemed strangely quiet. "Rakiko, do you-" She turned her head to the side, but there was nobody there. "Rakiko? Where'd you go?" Iruka turned in a slow circle, looking for her companion. Nothing... nothing... there! She was about a hundred feet away, walking in the same direction they were earlier. "Stay away from the power line!" she shouted. "It's dangerous!" The pink-haired girl continued walking as if she hadn't heard. Closer and closer she came to the downed line, until she was almost touching it. "Rakiko! Get out of there!" Iruka screamed. To her horror, Rakiko walked right up to the power line, picked up a length of it, and twirled it around. Dumbfounded, she watched open-mouthed as the girl merrily hopped up and down with her improvised jump rope, without a care in the world. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MORON?" Startled, Rakiko dropped the cord. It landed right in a puddle, setting off a series of electrical explosions that completely obscured her from sight. Sparks flew crazily, shooting off in all directions. Iruka covered her eyes with her hands, partly to shield them from the blinding light given off by the electrical storm, partly because she couldn't bear to watch what was happening to the poor girl. Eventually, the explosions died down, leaving the faint smell of ozone in the air. Iruka slowly uncovered her eyes, dreading the possible sight of her friend's charred and blackened corpse- no! It was too horrible to think about. But still, she couldn't ignore what happened. When the wind blew away the last tendril of smoke, Rakiko stood at the center of a patch of blackened, smoking ground, completely unharmed. She wasn't scared or upset at all. In fact, she looked a little reproachful. "You're all right," Iruka said, incredulity creeping into her voice. "You didn't have to yell," she pouted. "I was just having fun." "Wh... what?" Iruka whispered, stunned. "I said you didn't have to yell," she repeated. "I wouldn't have dropped it if you hadn't startled me like that." A sudden cold realization struck Iruka. A numb sensation ran through her body, chilling her to the bone. She backed away, very slowly, not taking her eyes off Rakiko. Somehow, she found the strength to lift an accusing finger and open her mouth. Her words rang clearly. "You're... YOU'RE CRAZY!" "I'm not crazy," Rakiko protested. But her words were in vain. Iruka was already fleeing down the street, running as fast as her feet could take her. *** And that should've been that, thought Iruka as she ignored the enthusiastic banter of her "friend." But the next day, Rakiko was back, acting as if nothing had happened. And the next day. And the day after that. It wasn't fair, Iruka thought. One act of kindness, and she was stuck with her own personal insane, suicidally dangerous hanger-on for life. Not a day went by that she didn't berate herself for that one mistake. She'd given up on getting rid of Rakiko a long time ago, though. Nothing worked. Not verbal abuse- Rakiko just laughed it off. Maybe she thought it was just good-natured kidding; she didn't put up with that kind of treatment from anyone else. Or maybe she was dropped on her head as a baby. She tried to warn other people about the danger in their midst. Nobody believed her. Why should they? Rakiko looked perfectly normal- no nervous tic, no insane gleam in the eyes. Just a penchant for very bad decisions, and that wasn't something you could see. She'd even tried waiting for Rakiko to get caught by one of her mistakes. It was like waiting for the stars to fall from the sky, and she stopped hoping before long. So finally, she resigned herself to her fate... but that didn't mean she had to be nice about it. A little voice deep down inside asked her what she was doing. No wait, it was just Rakiko. "*I'm* going to the library. I don't know what *you* are doing," she replied frostily, hefting her bookbag. "Wait up!" Rakiko said. "I'll go with you!" "Whatever," Iruka mumbled. She walked away, with the unhurried steps of one who is beyond caring. Rakiko soon caught up with her. They walked side by side, Rakiko chatting about the day's events with Iruka ignoring her for the most part. "... I hope I did okay on the physics exam," Rakiko fretted. "It was so hard, one person threatened to jump out the window afterwards." "Don't you have that Dar- that club meeting to go to?" Iruka interrupted. "We already had it," her friend/tormenter replied. "You should go sometime! It's a lot of fun, and it's never the same twice." She beamed. "Uhh... no thanks," Iruka replied, grimacing. "I'm really not into... that sort of thing." "You sure?" Rakiko asked, looking a little hurt. Iruka shuddered briefly. "I'm sure." "Oh well, maybe some other time. Let's see... what did we do today?" She squinted, ticking things off on her fingers. "First, Tataki showed off his new invention. We spent an hour cleaning up the mess it made. Kaji was supposed to give a speech today, but he didn't show up, so instead we dropped things out the window to see if they would break. After that, one of the locals got up and ranted for twenty minutes about the government. I didn't even get to bring up my great new idea." Her face took on a wistful expression. "Great new idea? You mean like the time you wanted to put on a fireworks display and bought a stick of dynamite by mistake?" Iruka sarcastically offered. Rakiko had enough sense to look embarrassed. "So I reached into the wrong bin. It was an honest mistake. You're not still mad about that, are you?" "Yes, I'm still mad, and so are the dorm authorities." Iruka paused. "Or how about the time you tipped over the super deluxe vending machine and almost crushed yourself?" "Super deluxe, nothing! That machine took my money!" She held up two fingers in a V-sign. "And don't forget, I got my candy bar in the end." The bickering went on for quite some time, back-and-forth, until Iruka got tired of it and decided to tune out her companion. She reached into her bag and pulled out her walkman, placing the headphones on her head with a sigh of relief. "...in today's news, a local student was killed in a fiery explosion. Authorities believe the cause was a gas leak..." the radio announced. Iruka scowled and changed the radio to a pop station. "Ah, much better," she thought. "Now I can pretend Rakiko doesn't exist." With the headphones blaring, it took her a few seconds to notice that Rakiko wasn't next to her anymore. She looked back. Rakiko was talking to some guy she didn't recognize. Every now and then, she smiled or blushed. Judging by the eager look on the boy's face and the way he babbled and gestured, he was probably trying to convince her to go out with him. Iruka rolled her eyes. They never stopped trying. Despite the fact that dating Rakiko was a dangerous proposition, boys flocked to her by the dozens. It wasn't really that surprising, though. Rakiko was definitely pretty. Her medium-length hair was a lovely shade of pink, and her blue eyes always sparkled with vitality (suicidally dangerous vitality, but vitality nontheless). Even Iruka felt a little bit envious, although she wouldn't have traded in her good sense for the world. On top of that, she was intelligent and did well in school. And despite Iruka's grudges, she had to admit Rakiko wasn't a ditz. She was just... a little low on common sense. "Book smart, street stupid," was Iruka's way of putting it. Still, anyone who asked Rakiko out was putting their hormones ahead of their well-being. "Men are *so dumb," Iruka snorted. She tapped her foot impatiently. "God, what's taking her so long? Hurry up and get it over with. I should just leave her here and... hey... I *can* just leave her here..." she realized. She pondered the idea, turning it over in her head. "It's not like it'll get rid of her for long. She'll be pestering me again soon enough. Oh, what the hell. I could use a break, even a short one. I'll go to the library- no wait, she'll be expecting me there. I'll go hang out at a friend's instead." And with that, she walked away, leaving the unsuspecting Rakiko behind. *** Kazuhiro took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was it. The moment of truth. There would never be a better time than now. "I suck. I really, really suck," he moaned. He hated his life, every minute of every day. He was failing all his classes, he had no friends, no job prospects, his family was horrible, girls hated him, and he couldn't see his life getting any better in the forseeable future. The worst part was, nobody gave a damn about what he thought or whether he lived or died. Everyone who knew him loathed him. Sometimes, when he got really desperate, he would walk up to total strangers and strike up a conversation. It didn't take long for them to start hating him too. Some of them laughed at him, others just looked at him funny and walked away. It was depressing, not having anyone to talk to. That made him depressed, which made him lash out at the people around him, which drove them away, which made him even more depressed. These days, he was in a constant state of depression. "Nobody cares about me," he thought. "Why should they? I'm worthless, totally pathetic. I'm a loser. A jerk. A dweeb. A nobody. I suck. I just suck. I deserve to die." He'd said that before a million times, but now he was finally going through with it. That's why he was standing on the roof of the research institute, looking down at the street below. He didn't feel happy or sad or relieved, though. Just angry. Everyone would be relieved that he'd finally be out of their hair. "I'm sure those jerks will get a good laugh out of this," he thought with a snarl. Oh well, who cared about what they thought. This was his decision alone. He'd read about attempted suicides before. A lot of times, the person would botch it because he had second thoughts and didn't follow through properly. Well, he wouldn't make that mistake. He was totally commmitted. Just to make sure everything would go off as planned, he ran through a mental checklist. Guns jammed in both ears. Check. Lit fuse bomb in mouth. Check. Perched on edge of roof. Check. If the fall didn't kill him, the bullets and the explosion certainly would. Now all he had to do was time it so that he jumped off right before the bomb went off. Any second now... "Enjoying the view? Hey, nice day out, isn't it?" a voice said. Kazuhiro whirled around and jumped into the air, frightened out of his wits. In his surprise, he spit out the bomb, dropping his guns at the same time. The bomb hit the stranger in the face, going off right as it did so. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" the man screamed, staggering around in pain. A split-second later, the handguns hit the ground and went off. By an incredible stroke of misfortune, both bullets struck the man in the chest. With a cry of pain, he stumbled off the edge of the roof and plummeted to the ground. For a moment Kazuhiro was too stunned to understand what had just happened, then he came to his senses. He rushed to the edge and peered over the side, staring at the broken body lying on the ground below. A sudden realization hit him; the idiot who startled him was dead, and he was still very much alive! Not only that, the bomb was gone, blown into a million pieces, and the guns were nowhere to be found. He searched the rooftop frantically, but turned up nothing. As far as he could tell, they'd fallen over the edge of the roof. "Dammit! I went through HELL to get those guns!" He clutched his head. "No no NO! This is all wrong! It's not fair!" he snarled. "Why?!" He threw back his head and screamed to the heavens, "Why, God, WHY? It should have been ME!" As he stood there, it occurred to him that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be around when people found the body. If they figured out he was at fault, they'd be really upset. He dashed to the exit, kicking up the burnt remnants of a business card in his haste to leave. As the door slammed shut, the card slowly floated back to earth, revealing the words "Society for the Scientifically..." *** Rakiko looked around in confusion. Her surroundings were completely unfamiliar, and she didn't have the slightest idea where she was. Judging by all the scientific equipment lying around, it was a laboratory, but as for its purpose, that was a mystery. She mentally retraced her steps, starting from when that boy- she couldn't remember his name- finally finished his awkward, rambling speech and asked her out. She had politely declined. He was kind of geeky, not very good-looking, and babbled like a brook. To her dismay, Iruka hadn't waited for her. "I'll take a shortcut and catch up to her," she thought. So she cut through an unfamiliar part of campus, entering an unlabeled building, hoping to exit out the other side. But the corridors twisted and turned in strange and unusual ways, and she quickly lost her bearings. Thus, she found herself here. She walked through the room, weaving around the numerous tables. There were monitors, microscopes, bunsen burners and other pieces of equipment she didn't recognize. On the far wall, a large red square button glowed with a fierce inner light. She stared at it curiously. "I wonder what it does," she thought. "It's so red... and glowing... and mysterious..." She looked around furtively. No one else was around; the room was completely deserted. She knew that she shouldn't be touching strange equipment... but the button looked so tempting. Her heels clicked against the tile as she was drawn inexorably forward, lured by the button's siren song. Just this once, just this once, she thought. No one will mind if I give it a try... With a finger, she reached for the button. It felt warm to the touch, and she could feel the electricity surging underneath. She paused, a momentary doubt surfacing to the forefront of her thoughts. Then, it was gone. She took a deep breath... and pressed the button. Click. The overhead fluorescent lights shut off, leaving the room lit only by the glow from the machines. Rakiko let out a small sigh. That wasn't exciting at all. It seemed... a letdown, somehow. She shrugged off the small disappointment. There were other things to try, other places to go and other things to see. Now, if she could just find Iruka. She turned the lights back on and exited the room. Author's Notes: One day, I was directed to the Darwin Awards site (http://www.darwinawards.com) by someone. After looking through a few articles, I thought to myself, "Hey, this gives me a great idea for a story!" And that's how this came about. After submitting it unsuccessfully in the third Improfanfic sweepstakes, I made some revisions, resulting in the current version. Thanks to Phoebe for ideas, and Delfina for giving the much-beleaguered Iruka her name.