Pet stores are generally considered to be places of relative 
peace and calm. A cacophony of barks, meows, chirps, and cries from 
excited children may be present at all times, but there is something 
about being surrounded by small, adorable animals that instills in one 
a sense of tranquility and comfort. It's like being wrapped in a warm 
blanket; it may not confer any real protection, but there's something 
about it that makes you feel safe.

	Unfortunately, no place is safe for the members of Mitsuhara 
University's Society for the Scientifically Inquisitive and the 
Intellectually Curious.

	Nobody is sure quite why this is, but members of the so-called 
"Darwin Society" seem to be able to find danger in even the most 
innocuous of places, be it a church, a movie theater, the back seat of 
a '74 Oldsmobile... or even a pet store.

	Otaru Sujihara was completely unaware of this as he walked up to 
the Kurosawa Pet Shop. The young college student had but one thought on 
his mind: [NOOKIE].

	No, he's not into bestiality, you sick freaks. Get your minds out 
of the gutter.

	The nookie in question was in relation to Otaru's girlfriend, 
Fumiko. She had caught him staring at another girl while they were out 
on a date, and hadn't spoken to him since. It had been a week since 
that incident, and the testosterone-addled mind of Otaru was desperately 
oinking for a boinking.

	Otaru, despite his obvious faults, was not a complete idiot. He 
realized he was going to have to do something to make it up to Fumiko 
if he wanted to get back in her good graces (and other areas.) So, 
remembering her love of various tropical fish, he walked into the pet 
shop, intent on buying some fish to save his floundering relationship.

	The problem was that he was flat broke.

	Otaru was aware of this fact, however, and came up with an ingenious plan. 
He had worn a pair of his loosest, baggiest jeans, and was wearing them 
well below his waist. When he found a fish he liked, and the shop owner 
wasn't looking, he would stick the fishbowl in between his legs and 
inconspicuously waddle out.

	Mentally congratulating himself on his brilliant strategy, Otaru 
set about looking for just the right fish. Alas, it seemed as if Fumiko 
already had most of the fish the store had in stock. He was about to 
give up and try to find another pet store when he saw another fish, 
alone in a small fish bowl. It was kind of ugly looking, with dark 
brown scales and what looked like a perpetual scowl on it's face, but 
he was pretty sure Fumiko didn't own one like it. 

	Smiling to himself, Otaru peeked around the store to make sure 
nobody was looking. "I think I'm gonna name you Shinji," he said, 
gently lifting up the fishbowl. As he held it with one hand, he undid 
his belt and pulled down his fly, allowing him to stuff the fishbowl 
into his pants. 

	"Get in my pants, Shinji," the boy muttered, trying to zip his 
pants back up. Finally, he managed to do so, and started to 
surreptitiously lumber out of the store, careful to stay out of 
anyone's line of sight. He frowned as he noticed the water was 
splashing up into his crotch and that he could feel the fish swimming 
around down there, but did his best to ignore it as he made his way out 
the door.

	After a few moments, an employee walked back to where Otaru had 
been, apparently looking for something. "Hey boss, any idea where that 
really aggressive piranha we just got in is?"

	"I thought it was right back there. Why?"

	"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! NOT MY BRATWURST OF 
LOVE! AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

 **********

                           The Darwin Society
                Super Self-Destructive Idiots of Destiny!
                           Created by NeoPuu

                     Chapter 2: When Nature Selects!
                         Written by Jesse Ellman
                   Sole Member, Insane Cod Productions
      "If you outlaw teaching evolution, only outlaws will evolve."

**********

	Today was, for once, a good day in the life of Iruka.

	She had just gotten her psychology test back, and she aced it, 
which put her in a very good mood. Even better, she had managed to 
sneak out of class without Rakiko noticing. Somewhere, in the back of 
her mind, her conscience was chastising her for being so mean to 
Rakiko, who, despite her faults, was a genuinely nice person who just 
wanted to be friends. As usual, said chastisement was drowned out by 
the panicked yelps of fear from her self-preservation instinct, begging 
to get as far away as possible from the accident-prone girl.

	Blocking out this one-sided mental conflict, Iruka walked down 
the street towards her favorite ice cream shop. Unlike Rakiko, who 
could scarf down anything and not gain wait, Iruka had to be a little 
more careful in watching what she ate. But today was a good day, and 
she *deserved* some ice cream.

	As she neared the source of ice-creamy goodness, she saw an 
ambulance across the street, where a young man, apparently in agony, 
was being loaded in. What caused her attention was the fishbowl one of 
the ambulance drivers were carrying. She'd heard of firefighters having 
dalmatians, but never this. And if she didn't know better, she could 
have sworn the man on the stretcher, even in his pained state, was 
looking at the fish with a look of absolute terror. Iruka chuckled to 
herself as she continued down the street; why would he be afraid of a 
fish? That would be nuts.
	
	Finally, Iruka got to the ice cream shop, and ordered a small cup 
of low fat chocolate frozen yogurt. It wasn't the what she really 
wanted, but since she didn't want to start putting on weight, it would 
suffice. "Ah, life is good."

	"Iruka! Hi!"

	Iruka mentally cursed herself as she looked up to see Rakiko 
walking over, a humongous banana split in hand. "Why do I say stuff 
like that?" the mumbled to herself, before waving half-heartedly to the 
approaching girl. "Hey Rakiko. Fancy meeting you here."

	"Mind if I sit down with you?" Rakiko said, smiling widely.

	"... sure, go right ahead."

	"Yay!" Rakiko cheered, scooting in across from Iruka. "I figured 
you were coming her after I saw you running out of class like that. I like 
to beat the crowds here, too."

	Iruka rubbed the bridge of her nose wearily. "Yeah, that's it, 
beat the crowds. Gotta beat the crowds," she sighed.

	The two girls sat in silence for a moment, eating their 
respective snacks. Rakiko, having plowed through hers quickly, finally 
broke the silence. "Ne, Iruka-san? Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I 
have a great idea for something we can do together."

	Iruka didn't even bother looking up from her ice cream. "Remember 
the last time you had a 'great idea' for something we could do 
together?"

	"Of course! We went to that all-flambe restaurant downtown! 

 	"Which you set on fire," Iruka said flatly.
	
	"They didn't tell me the plate was going to be so hot," Rakiko 
pouted.

	"And we both nearly died when I had to drag you out of there."

	"Of course! I couldn't just leave my food in there! It was 
expensive, and I was hungry," she said matter-of-factly. "Besides, the 
fire wasn't really that bad."

	"It took the firefighters fifteen hours to put it out."

	"Is that longer than it usually takes?"

	Iruka decided that pursuing this line of conversation was not 
going to do any good. Trying to explain these things to Rakiko was like 
trying to teach a dog vector calculus. "Never mind," she said, 
finishing the last bit of her ice cream. "So what's this thing you want 
to drag me to?"

	"The annual school carnival is tomorrow, silly!" Rakiko said, 
giggling. "Don't tell me you haven't heard about it?"

	Iruka had. Even though that type of event wasn't really 
her thing normally, she had to admit it sounded like fun. It would be 
silly not to go just to avoid Rakiko. And there was no point in trying 
to go without her; Rakiko seemed to always find her when she tried 
something like that.

	Besides, she thought to herself, it was just a school carnival. 
How much trouble could Rakiko really get into there? "I suppose so," 
she said, smiling a bit.

	"Great!" the pink-haired girl said excitedly, leaping out of her 
seat to give Iruka a quick hug. "I'll meet you tomorrow at the entrance 
to the carnival area, okay?"

	"Sure thing," Iruka replied, watching Rakiko walk out of the 
shop, waving happily.

	Somewhere, deep in Iruka's subconscious, her self-preservation 
instinct was curled up in the fetal position, whimpering softly.

**********

	The sun had already begun to set as Iruka opened the door to her 
dorm room. After her run-in with Rakiko, she had walked over to the 
nearby park and strolled around for a while, trying to get the stresses 
of college life out of her mind. With a tired groan, she dropped her 
bookbag on the floor and collapsed on her bed.

	After a few moments, she rolled over onto her back and looked 
around her room. It was, by anyone's standards, fairly spartan. No 
posters on the walls, no particularly noteworthy tchotchkas placed 
strategically around her computer, no funny signs... no anything, 
really. All there was was her clothes, furniture, books, computer, and 
other such standard things.

	"Face it, Iruka. You're kind of a dull person," she said to 
herself, sitting up slowly. "You keep to yourself most of the time, you 
haven't made many friends here, your 'best friend' is a walking 
disaster area, you've got no boyfriend and no prospects..."

	Iruka slumped back down onto the bed. This wasn't how she 
envisioned college life back in high school. She'd been pretty popular 
back then -- not spectacularly so, but she had plenty of friends, and 
even a couple of boyfriends (although none of them had lasted very long.) 

	Here at Mitsuhara, though, she seemed to just fade into the 
background. She considered herself to be fairly attractive, but she 
wasn't as eye-catchingly beautiful like Rakiko. She wasn't an 
especially outgoing person either, and she didn't participate in any 
activities that would get her noticed.

	 In short, Iruka was lonely and a little bit depressed. For a 
moment, she wondered what it would be like to be Rakiko: really smart, 
cheery, popular, perfectly content with her life... but then she shook 
her head. Imperfect though her life might be, she wouldn't want 
Rakiko's lack of common sense for all the happiness in the world. 
"Hell, I don't know how she's survived this long like that. I would've 
thought she'd have stuck a fork in an electrical socket or something as 
a kid."

	That was another thing that Rakiko had: luck. Perhaps the old 
saying about the gods favoring the bold and the foolish was true; in 
the short time she'd known Rakiko, she'd seen the girl nearly blunder 
into her own grave at least twenty times, and each time blunder her way 
out of the danger, oblivious to how close she had been to pushing up 
daisies.

	Through her closed door, Iruka could hear Rakiko giggling outside 
her own room down the hall, cheerily talking to some boy. Tempting as 
it was, she really couldn't bring herself to dislike Rakiko. The girl 
was just too nice. "But that doesn't mean I want to be around her when 
she decides to do something inane," she muttered.

	Sighing, Iruka reached for her Discman and put in her favorite 
CD. That was more than enough brooding for one night; time to get back 
to work.

**********

	It was early the next afternoon, and the sun was shining brightly 
as Kazuhiro Bashizaki walked down the street. And for once, he was 
actually in something of a good mood.

	After his failed attempt to kill himself, he had gone home to try 
to figure out what had gone wrong. It had been a perfect plan. With the 
guns, the bomb, and the heights, there was no way he should've 
survived. 

	And that's when it hit him. It must have been a sign. A sign from 
the gods that  he was supposed to live for some reason, that his life 
was going to take a turn for the better soon. Denied happiness for so 
long, Kazuhiro jumped on this ray of hope like something that jumps on 
something really eagerly. Maybe, just maybe, there was a point to 
living after all.

	And, if indeed the gods were smiling upon him, he thought, he 
might as well go for the gusto. His inability to get a girl to so much 
as talk to him had long been a major factor in his depression; if his 
luck really had changed, then maybe, just maybe, he had a chance. But 
who to ask?

	And then, quite literally, the answer appeared right in front of 
him. 

	There, standing by the window to a small clothing store, was a 
girl he'd seen in a couple of his classes. She was beautiful, her pink 
hair flowing gently in the wind, and the way the afternoon light shone 
off her eyes absolutely captivated the young man.

	For a moment, he felt his nerves failing him. There was no way a 
girl like that would even notice him. They never had before. But he 
quickly and viciously repressed those thoughts; that was the old 
Kazuhiro. The new, lucky Kazuhiro couldn't fail. 

	Still, that didn't mean he wasn't nervous. Slowly, he walked up 
to the girl, who was still looking into the store window. "Umm... 
excuse me, Miss...?"

	Kazuhiro nearly smacked himself. Oh, that was REAL smooth. Yeah, 
like she's gonna be impressed by that opening line. Why not just ask 
her what her sign is, since I'm already making an ass out of mys-

	"Excuse me?"

	The young man snapped back to reality to see the pink-haired girl 
looking at him curiously. For a moment, he lost himself in her 
beautiful blue eyes before regaining his composure. "Oh, yeah, uh... 
I'm in your math class, and I noticed that you did really well on the 
last test. I've been having some trouble, and... I was wondering if you 
could possibly help me out?"

	Kazuhiro smiled inwardly as he finished. He'd managed to recover 
pretty well, and asking for help in class was actually a pretty good 
excuse to get to know her better. He almost couldn't believe he'd 
pulled it off... this clinched it. It was true! The gods really did-

	"I'm sorry, but I really don't think I'd be able to help you. I'm 
really not that good at math. If you need help, you should probably go 
by the tutoring center," the girl said, smiling apologetically.

	Hate him. The gods really did hate him.

	"Well... thanks anyway," he said, forcing a half-hearted smile as 
he walked away. "Sorry to bother you."

**********

	Rakiko blinked as the boy walked away. She'd never noticed him in 
any of her classes, but considering the size of those classes, it 
would've been easy not to notice him.

	She felt bad about blowing him off like that, even if it was 
obvious that he was looking for more than just tutoring. By the 
expression on his face right after she said no, she could tell that the 
boy was devastated. He just wasn't her type, though. Like the boy from  
a few days back, he was kind of nerdy, and though not hideous, wasn't 
especially attractive.

	Looking down at her watch, Rakiko realized that she had to rush 
if she wanted to meet Iruka on time. Shaking her head to get the 
incident out  of her mind, she hurried down the street to go meet up 
with her friend.

**********

	Iruka was not surprised when Rakiko showed up a few minutes 
before they were supposed to meet. Whatever her faults, Rakiko always 
made sure to be on time for things. "You should always be punctual if 
you're going to meet your maker," she muttered, chuckling nervously.

	Iruka had gone through a moment of panic when she woke up and 
realized that she had committed to spending several hours with Rakiko, 
but quickly calmed herself. After all, she reminded herself, how 
dangerous could a simple carnival be? 

	"Iruka, you're here!" the other girl said excitedly, running up 
to her. "I'm so glad you could make it."

	Iruka shrugged. "I promised I'd be here."

	Rakiko giggled. "C'mon, don't be so dour. We're here to have 
fun."

	Iruka couldn't help but smile, as Rakiko's good cheer was 
infectious. "I know, I know. So do you have any idea what's set up in 
there?" she asked, starting to walk into the carnival area.

	"I'm really not sure, but I'm sure it'll be lots of fun," Rakiko 
responded cheerily. "The Society for the Scientifically Inquisitive and 
the Intellectually Curious knows how to set up an event like this."

	Iruka froze in mid-stride. "You... you mean the Dar- your club is 
running this?" she said, eyes wide.

	"Of course!" Rakiko said. "We run it every year to raise money 
for our club activities." Grabbing Iruka by the arm, she led the other 
girl into the main area. "Look, cotton candy! Want some?"

	Iruka's self-preservation instinct had no mouth, but it really, 
really wanted to scream right then.

	The dark-haired girl stared blankly as she was led through the 
carnival, flinching at every sound and movement. Looking left, she saw 
a tall boy juggling several axes, much to the crowds delight. As he 
finished, the crowd turned to walk away, and thus did not see the boy 
slump to the ground with a gurgle, having caught the final axe with his 
forehead.

	She turned away from the sight, only to see another boy doing the 
classic "spitting fire" routine. The crowd cheered wildly as he shot 
out a particularly large burst of flame, which also happened to set his 
pants on fire.

	"IT BURNS! IT BURNS! MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

	Iruka quickly turned to look straight ahead of her, only to see 
one student getting ready to shoot an apple off of another student's 
head with a bow and arrow. Iruka quickly closed her eyes, but couldn't 
block out the a scream and the sound of a body hitting the ground.

	Iruka walked zombie-like, eyes glazed in the midst of the chaos 
as Rakiko dragged her to and fro in the carnival, oblivious to her 
friends' terror. Iruka stared blankly as two boys lit a large 
firecracker, then proceeded to argue over who got to throw it. She was 
too shell-shocked to even flinch as the firecracker went off in their 
hands, blowing them both to bits.

	"Iruka, we're here!"

	"YAAAAAAA!"

	Rakiko blinked at her friend, then giggled. "I'm sorry, Iruka, 
did I startle you? You looked kind of spaced out there."

	Iruka, for her part, was looking left and right frantically, 
trying to anticipate where the danger was coming from. They seemed to 
be at some sort of field, with a large flat area surrounded by fences, 
behind which stood bleachers. "Where are we now?!"

"We're at the main attraction. Iwauchi-sempai is going to be 
performing! And I here he has something special planned!"

	Iruka blinked. "Who's Iwauc-" she started, before her brain 
completely froze up.

	There, standing about twenty feet away, was the most amazing man 
she had ever laid eyes on. He was dressed in a simple t-shirt and khaki 
shorts, but his well-muscled body made even that look damn good, in 
Iruka's eyes. And he was drop-dead gorgeous to boot, with beautiful 
green eyes, short black hair, and a smile that made Iruka just want to 
run up to him, tear his clothes of-

	"I see you approve of Iwauchi-sempai," Rakiko giggled.

	Iruka shook her head and snapped back to reality, blushing 
severely. "Uh, I wasn't... I mean-"

	"Don't worry about it," Rakiko said, grinning. "All the girls are 
like that when they first see him. He's been voted the most eligible 
bachelor on campus four years running."

	"He's a senior?"

	Rakiko nodded. "Iwauchi Dokuro is his full name. He's the head of 
the student council, he's probably going to be valedictorian, and he's 
the nicest guy I've ever met."

	Iruka grinned slightly. "Sounds like quite a catch... wait, how 
do you know him."

	"Oh, he's also the president of  Society for the Scientifically 
Inquisitive and the Intellectually Curious."

	Iruka went pale. "The president?" she choked out in small voice. 
"How'd he get to be the president?"

	Rakiko shrugged. "Apparently, he's the only person ever to stay 
in the club for four years. Weird, huh?"

	Iruka gulped audibly. Even if she could get that him to notice 
her (which wasn't likely), there's no way she'd risk being anywhere 
near the LEADER of that band of idiots. If anything, his surviving this 
long was only an indication of how dangerous he was.

	But still, he was pretty dreamy...

	As the two made their way to their seats, Iruka thought of 
something. "Hey, what is he going to be doing?"

	"Aside from being a student, he's also a wild animal trainer. I 
think it's the family business or something."

	Iruka took a moment to process this. While there was definitely 
something intriguing about a man who loved animals, and who was brave 
enough to train wild animals... that also probably made being around 
them akin to walking through a minefield.

	Iruka's thoughts were interrupted as Dokuro started addressing 
the crowd. "Greetings, everyone, and welcome to today's featured 
attraction!"

	The crowd cheered, and Iraku swooned. He even had a sexy voice...

	"Just a warning, though. The animal I'm going to be showing you 
is extremely dangerous! I'm an experienced animal handler, and if I'm 
not careful, this thing could tear me to bits! So please, stay behind 
the guard rail!"

	Sexy, but psychotic, Iraku amended.

	"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, our star 
attraction... the North American Giant Carnivorous Aardvark!"

	Iruka was about to ask Rakiko what the heck a giant carnivorous 
aardvark looked like when she saw...  IT.
	
	Iruka had seen an aardvark before in her high school biology 
textbook, but this thing was *huge*! It was about the size of a bear, 
with a row of sharp teeth on the inside of it's long snout, and a set 
of nasty-looking claws on it's feet.

	"Whuffle," it said menacingly as Dokuro led it out.

	"This critter here is a really rare specimen, caught by my own 
father in the deserts of the Southwest United States. It feeds 
primarily on deer and other large mammals, and is very, very deadly. 
It's jaws can snap a bone in half, it's claws can cut you right open, 
and this thing is as strong as ten men!"

	The crowd "ooh"d in awe.

	"What's he gonna do?" Iruka wondered aloud.

	"You'll see," Rakiko said, smiling.

	As Dokuro talked, he let go of the creature's collar, allowing it 
to roam free around the enclosed area. "Now, these animals normally 
don't attack humans, because they don't recognize us as food. But it'd 
be no fun if he just walked around for a few minutes. So what I'm gonna 
do... I'm gonna sneak up behind him and kick him in the ass! That'll 
get him riled up!"

	Iruka's jaw dropped. "He's going to do WHAT?"

	Rakiko smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about him, Iraku. He 
knows what he's doing."

	"But that's insane! That thing'll rip him apart!"

	Iruka turned back towards the action, and watched in horrified 
fascination as the young man calmly walked up behind the beast, which 
was eyeing some students up in the bleachers, and gave it a swift kick 
in the rear.

	"Whuffle!" the aardvark roared, getting up on it's hind legs. 
Dokuro quickly retreated, laughing and playing to the crowd as he did 
so.

	Transfixed by what was going on, Iraku was started when Rakiko 
grabbed her by the arm. "What? What?"

	"Look over there!" Rakiko cried, a look of terror on her face. At 
the other end of the enclosure, she saw a young man climb over the 
guard rail and into the enclosed area, walking calmly towards the 
enraged animal.

	"What is he doing in there?" Iraku said, standing up. "Is he 
insane?"

	"I know him!" Rakiko said, teary eyed. "He tried to ask me out 
today, and I said no. He looked heart-broken afterwards... I think he's 
trying to kill himself."

	Iruka gasped. "Are you sure?"

	"Yes! We've got to go save him!"

	Iruka nodded. "Right! We've got to go WHAT?!?"

	Before Iruka could react, Rakiko had started to climb over the 
fence and into the animal pit. The dark-haired girl tried to stop her 
friend, but was a moment too late as the pin-haired girl jumped down 
into the pit.

	Iruka froze for a moment before coming to a decision. Jumping in 
after Rakiko was idiotic... but she couldn't just let the girl die. 
Shaking her head incredulously, she too jumped down into the pit and 
ran after Rakiko.

	By now, Dokuro had realized what was going on. "Hey, get away 
from that thing! It's dangerous!" he yelled from all the way across the 
pit.

	"That boy's trying to kill himself!" Iraku cried back.

	Dokuro's eyes narrowed. "Stay away from that thing! I have to go 
get a pair of underwear!"

	Iruka blinked. "Underwear? What the hell do you need underwear 
for?!"

	"I'm gonna stop that critter by giving it a WEDGIE!"

	Iruka sweatdropped massively, but quickly recovered. "We don't 
have time for that, you idiot! That thing's gonna tear them apart!"

	Meanwhile, Rakiko had caught up to the boy, who was still walking 
towards the giant aardvark. "Don't do this! Don't throw your life 
away!"

	The boy blinked as he recognized her, then laughed bitterly. 
"What do you care? What does anyone care? Nobody likes me, I can't 
catch a break... why should I go on living like that?"

	"Don't say that! I'm sure there are people that care if you died! 
I'd care!"

	"Oh really? You don't even know my name. Why the hell would you 
care about me? You couldn't even be bothered to give me an creative 
excuse."

	Rakiko froze for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "Well-"

	"Whuffle!"

	Rakiko turned and froze as she saw the giant beast slowly 
stalking towards them, snarling and baring it's teeth. She resumed 
trying to pull the boy out of the way, but couldn't budge him.

	"Get away while you can," he said, not looking at her. "This is 
my death to die, not yours."

	Before she could respond, she turned to see that the aardvark was 
now right in front of them, blocking off her escape. Frozen with fear, 
she closed her eyes, expecting the worst.

	"CHARGE!"

	Surprised, Rakiko opened her eyes to see Dokuro leap at the 
aardvark, intent on knocking it down and allowing the Rakiko to drag 
the boy to safety.

	The aardvark, however, had other plans. Rearing up on it's hind 
legs, it batted Dokuro out of midair, sending him crashing to the 
ground.	

	Dokuro quickly got to his feet and slapped the aardvark upside 
the head to keep it's attention focused on him. "Run!" he yelled, right 
before the aardvark caught him with a vicious paw swipe to the side of 
the head, which sent the animal trainer reeling backwards.

	As Rakiko dragged the struggling boy away, Iruka watched in awe 
as Dokuro went toe-to-toe with the huge animal. He had recovered from 
the head shot and had ducked under another swipe, landing a couple of 
blows to the aardvark's torso. 

	Unfortunately, those seemed to have minimal effect as the 
aardvark shoved him backwards.

	And then something strange happened.

	Dokuro, now a few steps away from the animal, had dropped into 
some sort of fighting stance. That wasn't particularly weird.

	The fact that the aardvark was now shuffling it's feet, dancing 
around Dokuro, and throwing out rabid fire jabs was.

	And the roundhouse kick to the torso/sweep kick combination which 
the aardvark proceeded to pull off was even made that look relatively 
routine.

	"What the hell?" Iruka said, stunned. Her mind raced frantically, 
trying to figure out how this animal had just pulled off a double kick 
combination, when she realized that Dokuro was now flat on his back, 
with the enraged animal looming over him, about to go for the killing 
strike.

	"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

	 The aardvark visibly blinked upon hearing Iruka's scream and 
started to look around the area for something. Seeing an opportunity, 
Dokuro quickly pointed behind it. "Hey, look, a giant yak!"

	"Whuffle?" the animal 'whuffled', confused. It turning it's head 
to look behind it, which gave Dokuro a chance to stand up and give it a 
tremendous kick to the groin.
	
	"WHUFFLE!" the creature cried, clutching it's groin and hopping 
around in pain. After a moment, it collapsed to the ground, 
unconscious.

	Dokuro quickly grabbed some nearby rope and hog tied the beast, 
making sure that the knots were really secure. Satisfied that they 
were, he got up and walked over to Iruka.

	"You saved my life back there. Thank you," he said, smiling 
brightly.

	Iruka's heart fluttered. "What... what do you mean?" she 
stammered.

	"Your scream sounded exactly like the attack cry of the North 
American Giant Carnivorous Aardvark's main predator, the Giant Tree 
Yak. I don't know how you knew about that, but I'm sure glad you did."

	Iruka chuckled nervously. "Ah, well, it was nothing," she said, 
shuffling her feet. 

	"After we get this all cleaned up, I'd like to really thank you 
for this. Would you do me the honor of allowing me to treat you to 
dinner?" he asked, smiling warmly.

	Iruka nearly fainted right there. He was asking her out! This had 
to be a dream or something! 

She was about to agree when something that had been nagging at 
her came to the surface. "Hey... how did that aardvark do those kicks?"

	Dokuro smiled proudly. "I taught it Tae-Kwon-Do myself!"

	Iruka's dream came crashing back down to reality as she 
remembered exactly who she was dealing with. "Why the heck would you do 
something like that?"

	The older boy shrugged. "What fun would it be if I knew martial 
arts and it didn't?"

	Iruka shook her head in amazement. There's no way she'd ever 
survive a date with this maniac. "I'm going have to pass, I'm afraid. 
I'm feeling really tired."

	"I understand. This must have been very stressful for you," he 
said, staring her right in the eyes. "But at some point, I do want to 
thank you for this. I don't think I've ever met anyone like you 
before."

	"I'll get back to you about it, okay?" Iruka lied, walking away 
towards Rakiko.

	"Sure thing," Dokuro said, turning back towards the fallen 
aardvark. Looking back at the retreating form of Iruka, he shook his 
head.

	"What a woman."

**********

	Iruka made her way over to Rakiko, who was sitting on the ground, 
sobbing softly. "Are you okay?"

	"Yeah, I think so," she said, allowing Iruka to help her to her 
feet, "but that boy ran off. We have to find him! I couldn't stand it 
if he killed himself because I rejected him!"

	"Rakiko, don't be so hard on yourself, I doubt you're the reason 
he wants to kill himself. There's probably tons of other things he's 
depressed about."

	"But-"

	"No 'but's," Iruka said, smiling. "This isn't the time for this. 
We just did something incredibly stupid and survived. That calls for a 
celebration."

	Rakiko giggled despite herself. "Yeah, you're right. Want to go 
to the ice cream shop again? I hear they have some great new low fat 
frozen yogurt flavors."

	"Rakiko... after almost getting killed by an enraged giant 
aardvark, you do NOT eat low fat frozen yogurt," Iruka said, grinning.

	 The two girls laughed loudly as they walked down the street. As 
the laughter died down, Iruka turned to Rakiko, a serious look on her 
face.

	"I hope you learned a lesson from this. I don't want you getting 
killed or anything."

	"Oh yeah, I learned my lesson," Rakiko said, nodding. "I'll never 
do anything that silly again."

	"Good."

	The two fell silent for a moment before Rakiko spoke up. "Ne, 
Iruka?"

	"Yes?"

	"After we go get the ice cream, do you want to go see if the 
carnival is still open? I want to try juggling those axes!"

	Iruka just shook her head and looked up to the sky. "Why me?"

**********

Authors Notes

	Another fic, another deadline pushed to near breaking. I have GOT to stop procrastinating. ^_^;;

	Writing this actually wasn't all that tough, once I got started. The problem I had was that, about 3-5 pages in, I realized that what I had written was complete and utter garbage. So I scrapped it and started over from scratch, and I think it turned out pretty well

A couple of random notes:

-For some reason, whenever I went to type "Iruka", I kept wanting to type "Kuraku". ^_^;
	  
-If I got my japanese wording right, Iwauchi Dokuro should translate approximately to "Rock in Skull." Appropriate, ne? =P
	
And now, on to the numorous Thank You's:

-Phoebe, for having enough faith in my writing abilities to ask me to do the second part, and for providing several good ideas.

-Ard, for listening to me kvetch over the last two days. ^_^

-Ravi, for his oh-so-nitpicky pre-reading. Which I need. =P

-Rutt and Dan Wood, for offering to pre-read, even though I couldn't get it them in time. Sorry, guys.

-Todd, for just generally being a really cool admin.

That's all she wrote folks. Go home. =P

Jesse Ellman
"I support the theory of evolution; if they want my opposable thumbs, they'll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands."