After weeks of preparation (all right, ONE week of preparation), the set
was finally assembled for Controversial Jack Lysias's latest project.
He had gleefully chosen this undertaking in response to his reputation
from Ultra and Royal Rumble for Romance, and he was impatient for the
audience response.

"We're really going to show them this time, Mr. Duck," Jack commented,
checking his reflection in the dressing room mirror. Not a flaming red
spike was out of place.

There was no reply.

"Mr. Duck?" the man started to sound panicked.

"Mr. Duck will not be joining you, Mr. Lysias," a voice came from the
doorway, "We told you that."

The Controversial One glared at his assistant as she stepped into the
room.  "I don't do anything without the Web-footed Wonder."

Jack's assistant, a petite blonde, folded her arms.  "You will do THIS
without him, or you won't do this at all."

Jack thought about this for a moment, and then nodded his consent.
"Fine.  But you haven't hurt him, have you? Tortured him? Plucked his
tail for a feather duster?"

The assistant rolled her eyes. "Mr. Duck is in perfect health, Mr.
Lysias.  But if you insist on wasting any more time, I won't be able to
say the same for you."

"I like your attitude, young lady," Controversial Jack said suddenly,
"You could have a future in Ultra."

"I'd rather slit my wrists," the assistant mumbled, glancing at her
watch.

"What?"

"I'm not worthy of such gifts," she replied loudly.  "Now then, you have
two minutes before Showtime."  The assistant reached up and straightened
Jack's sport coat, adjusting his wired microphone, then grumbled.  "Who
the hell is in charge of wardrobe? How could they have chosen pink for
you?"

Jack suffered his assistant's ministrations with some dignity.  "I chose
it myself. I thought it would compliment my hair."

Before his assistant could reply, the door burst open and the project's
associate producer's head appeared. "Let's go, Mr. Lysias! Showtime!"

The assistant grabbed Jack's sleeve and pulled him into the hall, where
the associate producer snagged the other sleeve, and the two women
dragged him towards the sound stage.  There was a studio audience in
pseudo-stadium seating, a stool, a wall, and three more stools on the
other side of the wall.  The audience cheered when Jack appeared from
the wings, and he broke free from the women's grips and strode forward
to bask in the adoration of the crowd.  The women looked at each other,
shared a wink, and retreated into the shadows.

Then the lights over the audience dimmed, and a voice echoed out, "And
in five... four... three... two..."

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Improfanfic Presents

The ImproDating Game

An original chibi fic by Delfina and Stephica (Wai, wai!)

This starter brought to you by the letters Q, Z, and the number Pi

Episode 1: A Wooing Menace

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and all those in between, and
welcome to The Dating Game!"  Controversial Jack played the audience
like a set of broken panpipes -- Zamphyr was rolling in his four-poster
bed.  "Have we got a wild and wacky show for you tonight!"  He looked at
a slip of paper that he had been handed by his assistant.

"Our first bachelor is a famous Ultra announcer, known for his
hyperactivity!  He's taking a break from the grind and wants someone to
share that downtime with.  But, before he comes out, let's talk to the
three bachelorettes!"  Pulling out a series of index cards, he began
reading off of them while the camera swung over to view three girls
sitting behind the wall.

"Our first lovely contestant is well-known for her ice cream habits and
fascination with shiny objects!  She's cute, cuddly...and cute!  While
she's not too big on the intelligence department, this should prove to
be no problem for our lucky bachelor if he should end up with
her...hehehe."

The camera zoomed to focus in on Bachelorette Number One, who was
currently spinning around on her chair.  Her short red hair flew out
around her head and the light bulbs on her headband were glowing.

Jack looked at Bachelorette Number One and shook his head, then caught
himself.  "Yeah, isn't she great?  Next up is Bachelorette Number Two.
She's a psychotic spoiled princess who says that she doesn't like
'peasants' and uh...well she doesn't seem to like *anyone*.  Okay.  But
boy is she a looker!"

Bachelorette Number Two smiled widely -- perhaps a little *too* widely.
Her long lustrous blonde hair shone in the light and her eyes sparkled
with a strange gleam.  Jack shuddered involuntarily when he saw her
picture in the monitor, then shrugged off the feeling of uneasiness she
brought upon him.  Clearing his throat he started to read off the next
series of index cards.

"And our last bachelorette is a special agent and magical girl, as well
as being one of IFF's mascots!  She may not have the best fashion sense,
but she can kill you in seventeen different ways!  Let's hear it for
Bachelorette Number Three!"

The bachelorette in question stood up and flashed a victory sign to the
audience, her trench coat settling around her vari-colored sailor fuku.
A bandanna held her short blonde hair back and she had a supersparkly
grin on her face.

"Well, that's it for our bachelorettes, let's bring out our lucky
bachelor!  Hiroshi, come on out!"

From the wings ventured the well-known sidekick of Daisuke.  He appeared
to have been forcefully pushed out onto the main stage by someone,
because he glared at two feminine silhouettes behind the curtains.

"Yeah, yeah.  I'm here Jack."  Noticing the audience, he put on his
'show face' and gave them a megawatt smile.  "All right!  Let's start
talking to those lovely ladies behind that wall!"  Whispering to Jack,
he asked, "None of them are potential psychopaths or anything? I
mean...Shermie's not back there, is she?"

Jack grinned somewhat evilly at Hiroshi and clapped him on the back.
"Welcome to the show, Hiroshi!  All of these ladies are real winners,
let me tell ya!  Why don't you ladies say a little something to Hiroshi
before he starts his questioning?"

Number One bounced happily.  "Wai!  I'm so happy to be here!  Hiya
Hiroshi!"

Hiroshi grinned.  "Hiya right back, Bachelorette Number One!"

"Greetings, Hiroshi."  Number Two filed her nails.

"Greetings to you too, Bachelorette Number Two."

"Hi, Hiroshi!" Bachelorette Number Three called out cheerily.

"Hi to you too, Bachelorette Number Three!"

Jack grinned madly.  "Well looks like it's your turn to steal the
spotlight, start interrogating these women now!  Gotta go!"  Zipping
backstage, he paused to smirk at Hiroshi before disappearing.

"Jack!...gah.  Okay let's see..."  He pulled out a few index cards.  "All
right, Bachelorette Number One:  If you were a flavor of ice cream, what
flavor would you be?"

The redhead sat up straight in her chair and looked around.  "Wai!  Ice
cream!  Where?"

Hiroshi sweatdropped.  "Um, there isn't any ice cream here."

Her face fell.  "Aww...Lu- I mean, Bachelorette Number One really like ice
cream.  Hm.  Well, if I had to pick my favorite...ooh this is such a hard
question!  Bachelorette Number One can't think!  Vanilla is so nice and
creamy, a classic that can be used with any sort of syrup!  And
chocolate is oh-so-good!  But..."  At this point she stood up, striking a
pose, "Strawberry has to be my favorite!  So if Bachelorette Number One
were a flavor of ice cream, that is the flavor I would be!"  The
audience broke into applause as she bounced around the small area.

"Right..." Hiroshi scribbled a few notes down on one of his cards.  "Next
question, for Bachelorette Number Two, if I were a..." Hiroshi blushed.

Jack stalked out and looked at Hiroshi curiously. "Ask the question,
boy!  What's keepin' you?"

"...I let Morrigan help me make up questions."

Jack blinked, then started laughing.  "HAHAHAHA!  That's a good one!"
His face turned dead serious.  "Read the question, or those two women
over there are going to hurt me."  He pointed towards the wings where
the associate producer and Jack's assistant were glaring at him.

"Okay, okay, but you owe me.  Bachelorette Number Two, if I were a kiwi
fruit, how would you eat me?"

"Foolish question, I would have had my troopers peel you and only after
they have verified your quality, I would have eaten you."  She sighed
somewhat dramatically and continued, "But now, I must peel you myself,
cut you into little tiny pieces, popping each one into my mouth
individually and then licking the kiwi juice off of my fingers."  She
demonstrated for the audience by licking one of her fingers.  The male
half of the audience suddenly developed intense nosebleeds.

Hiroshi coughed and held a tissue up to his nose as he made a few
notes.  "Bachelorette Number Three, which candy are you most like: A
Pixie Stick, a Good 'n' Plenty, or a Sugar Baby?"

Number Three tapped her chin thoughtfully with a finger.  "Hm.  I'd have
to say, a Pixie Stick.  They're so sugary sweet, I love them!"  She
smiled brightly, causing the studio to briefly experience a light surge.

"Cool."  He scribbled madly for a few seconds and pulled out the next
index card.  "Okay, Bachelorette Number Two, if you were an amusement
park ride, what kind would you be?"

The beautiful but slightly insane blonde looked thoughtful.  "Well,
amusement parks are for peasants.  I myself have never been to one, but
I would say that I would be the Mighty Ferris Wheel that stands so
dignified and lordly above the rest of the rabble."  The audience
tittered, until she turned to glare at them.

Scribble, scribble.  "Number One, same question for you."

Number One bounced up and down in her seat.  "Hm.  I *love* amusement
parks!  They're so fun!  I really like the Carousel!  It's got nice
music and it goes up and down and up and round and round and up and down
and round and round and up and down and round --"

Hiroshi cut her off.  "Okay then!  Another question for you, Number
One!  If you were an electrical appliance, where would your 'on' button
be?"

The redhead spun around on her chair.  "Whee!  I know!  I'd be an ice
cream maker and my 'on' button would be right on the top of my head!"

Jack prodded Hiroshi.  "She's a real winner, isn't she now!"

Hiroshi chose to ignore that.  "...Bachelorette Number Three, same
question."

Number Three was silent for a moment, then she replied.  "I think that I
would be a can-opener.  My button would be right beside my mouth."  She
touched her cheek and smiled cutely at the audience.

"Isn't she a darling?" Jack polled the audience.  They applauded,
agreeing that yes, she is a darling.  "Hiroshi here is on his last
question before he decides which of these lovely contestants will be
going with him on that Dream Date!"

Hiroshi snapped his last index card to get Jack's attention.  "You can
stop talking now, I'm ready to ask my final question."

"Spoilsport."

"Anyways, this question is for all of you.  Let's start with
Bachelorette Number One.  What do you look for in a relationship?"

"Ice cream!"

"..."  Hiroshi ...'ed.  "Bachelorette Number Two?"

"Why, someone to help me rule the world and crush those wicked peasants
beneath the heel of my boot with!"  She stood up, threw her head back,
and started laughing.  "Ohohohohohohoho!!!"

Index cards went flying as Hiroshi fell out of his chair.  He grabbed
Jack by his power tie and pulled his face down to his level.  "I thought
you said there were no PSYCHOS, Jack?!"

Jack attempted to break free of Hiroshi's grip, "Now, now.  Is that any
way to act?  She's real cute!  ...where's my assistant?!"

Disgusted, Hiroshi let go of Jack, straightened his clothing and sat
back down.  "I'll get you, Jack."

Jack giggled somewhat nervously and stood up as well.  "Um.  Right.  So
let's go on to the last Bachelorette!"

"Bachelorette Number Three, what do you look for in a relationship?"

Number Three tapped her fingers on the armrest of her chair.  "Hm.
Well, I'd look for someone that I can feel comfortable with, laugh with,
and love."  She nodded.  "Yes, that and someone who will stand at my
side as we fight off the minions of evil!"  She stood up and
powerposed.  "Yosh!"  The audience burst into applause.

"All right!  And that's it for our bachelorettes!  Let's cut to a
commercial break and give Hiroshi a few minutes to decide which one of
these wonderful ladies he wants to be his mate!"  Turning he saw Hiroshi
advancing on him somewhat menacingly.  "And I'll be backstage if anyone
needs me--erk!"

"Psst! We don't * have *  a sponsor yet!" his assistant hissed from the
wings, as she pushed him back out onto the stage.

Jack blinked.  "We don't? Why in the seven rings of Saturn not?"

"We're a new show, no one would sponsor us."

"Dammit, get me a sponsor, and get me one now!" Jack jumped up and down
on the stage.  The audience didn't know whether to be amused or
frightened.

There was a shuffling offstage, and then the associate producer came out
with a piece of posterboard and a black marker.  She propped it against
the chair that sat to Jack's left and began scribbling on it.  The
marker squeaked painfully, causing audience members to groan.  She
finished, stood back to admire her work, then handed the posterboard to
Jack.

"Hold that up until I say otherwise," she snapped while striding back to
the wings.  "Camera One, close-up of that board. NOW!  Sounds, give me
some background music.  NOW!"

The camera zoomed in obediently.  Viewers watching from home read the
following:

"SPONSOR OUR SHOW, OR WE KEEP THE HOST'S HAIR STYLIST."

This went on for roughly two minutes before the assistant producer
called, "And pan out! Drop the board!"

Jack did so.  It skittered off the front of the stage and into the front
row.  Someone actually grabbed it and saved it as a souvenir.

"You're on in three... two... now!"

"And welcome back to the ImproDating Game! Where your favorite
characters find the mate of their dreams!"  Jack gave the cameras and
the live studio audience a gleaming grin, then glanced at the card in
his hand.  "Time for Hiroshi to decide which lovely lady he wants!
Hiroshi!  Have you made a decision?"

"Yeah, I have.  While the other two ladies were very nice, I decided to
go with Bachelorette Number Three."

"Tell  us a little bit about why you picked her over the other two!"

"Uh...I don't think I want to share."

"Aww...well let's bring out the lovely ladies Hiroshi didn't pick!
Bachelorette Number One is cute, uses light bulbs as weapons, and is
addicted to ice cream!  Let's hear it for Lumi-chan from Furniture
Warriors!"

The redhead bounced out happily.  "Wai!  Lumi-chan had lots of fun!"
She quickly glomped Hiroshi and then sped off as soon as she saw the
bowl of ice cream Jack's assistant was holding in the wings.

Jack helped Hiroshi up.  "The next bachelorette is from Heart Heart
High!  She's bad, she's beautiful...and she's bad!  Let's hear it for,
Saikyo Himura!"

The blonde walked out from behind the wall with her held up high.  She
stopped in front of Hiroshi and folded her arms.  "You have made a bad
decision, choosing another over me!  Ohohohohoho!"  And with that, she
continued on her way backstage.

Hiroshi glared at Jack.  "I'm going to get you.  You know I am."

Jack smirked.  "Sure you are.  You don't have the guts, clone-boy!
Anyways, let's bring out the contestant you chose!  She's a IFF mascot,
beautiful and very dangerous.  In other words, Hiroshi, don't piss her
off.  Yes, it's Becky Anderson!"

Becky walked out smiling brightly at the crowd.  When she got to Hiroshi
she gave him a brief hug. "I'm one of your biggest fans, Hiroshi!"

Hiroshi blushed deeply.  "Wow, really?  Thanks!  I love Girls with Guns,
too!  And Do-Gooders was great!"

Jack grinned madly.  "Looks like these two are a match made in Heaven!
I'm sure they'll have fun on their Dream Date!  We'll announce their
destination later in the show.  Now come on you two, go on back there
now!"  Jack waved happily as Hiroshi and Becky were led offstage by the
associate producer.  Then he turned his smiling mug back to the cameras

"Let's introduce our next contestant, shall we?  She's a high school
student by day and a hitgirl by night, with a taste for camouflage and
whupass! Yes, folks, she really IS Pretty Deadly!  But before we bring
her out, let's meet the lucky bachelors who get to compete for this
dangerous little gem!  Bachelor Number One is a college student with a
taste for the unusual.  He enjoys reading, researching, and hunting the
paranormal.  Come on out, Number One!"

From the opposite end of the stage, a young man with black hair and
sharp green eyes strode towards the farthest of the three chairs lined
up beyond the wall that separated contestants from possible mates.  He
moved with a sort of animal grace, prowling, a crossbow clutched easily
in his right hand.  He stopped to scan the audience once, then sat.

Jack flashed another smile at the audience.  "Our next bachelor is a
high school student with very unusual taste.  He likes shopping and
hanging out at the mall.  Let's welcome Bachelor Number Two!"

Number Two stepped out onto the stage.  A few catcalls from the audience
greeted him, and he blushed, which only served to accent his lavender
hair and green eyes.  He flounced to the second chair in, his red
miniskirt flying up.  Number One stared for the briefest of moments,
then quickly focused on his shoes.

Jack shuffled the cards in his hands, trying to hide the smirk on his
face.  "Now, last but not least, let's bring out Bachelor Number Three!
He likes swimming, molting, and, uh, swimming!  Come on out, Number
Three!"

Jack's assistant appeared from the wings, carrying something small and
yellow in her hands.  She smiled and winked at the audience before
depositing a  rubber duck on the remaining empty chair.  A stagehand
appeared behind the chair, squatting down so as not to be too easily
seen.  The audience remained silent.

Jack waved his index cards.  "Now that we've met our bachelors, let's
bring out that IFF mascot, give a warm welcome to Aika!"

A dark-haired girl in a camouflage fuku and more ammunition than
Quantico stepped timidly onstage.  She managed a shy smile at the
audience, adjusted her shoulder holster, and approached Jack.

"Thank you, Mr. Lysias," Aika said, almost too quietly.  Backstage, the
associate producer radioed the sound people to boost Aika's mic.  "I'm
happy to be here."

"Good good!  Now, why don't you bachelors say hello to Aika before we
start the interrogation!"

Number One nodded.  The audience tittered.  He looked up, cocking his
head to the side, then realized Aika couldn't see him.  "Oh, right,
hello."

"Hello, Bachelor Number One," Aika said quietly.

"Hallo, Aika," Number Two crooned airily.  The audience tittered.

"Um, hi, Bachelor Number Two," Aika said from the other side of the
wall.

There was a pause.  Then: "*SQUEAK*!"

"Uh, hello, Bachelor Number Three," Aika said hesitantly.

The audience burst into laughter.  Jack's jaw dropped to the floor, his
index cards scattering at his feet.  Backstage, the associate producer
and Jack's assistant exchanged a high-five and a conspiratorial giggle.

Jack recovered, still looking confused, and went on with his job.  "So,
then, let's get started!  The bachelors are yours, Aika!"

Aika looked up at the audience nervously, shifted in her chair, and
cleared her throat.  She glanced at the index card in her hand.  "Uh,
Bachelor Number One, if you were a plant, what kind would you be?"

The audience stared at the girl, then as one averted their eyes.  It was
best not to gape at a human munitions camp.

"A Venus Flytrap," replied Number One quickly.

Aika nodded, made a note on her card, then went on: "Bachelor Number
Two, you said you like to shop.  If we were to go into Victoria's Secret
together, what would you pick out for me?"

Now the audience snickered.  Number Two brightened, bouncing in his
seat.  "Probably a nice bra and panty set, cotton and comfortable!  And
I'd get one for me too!"

The audience erupted into peals of laughter, while Aika managed to look
both relieved and uncomfortable.  She scrawled on the index card once
more.  "And Bachelor Number Three, if I were an ice cream flavor, what
flavor would you want me to be?"

"*Squeak*," Number Three answered.

"Excuse me?" Aika asked.

Jack's eyes were bugging out.  "He said, 'vanilla'."

Aika stared at the host for a moment before replying, "Oookay," and
scribbling on her card again.  She adjusted her bandoleer; the audience
cringed.  Finally, she said, "Bachelor Number Two, which of the
following are you most like- a bumper car, a sports car, or a tank?"

Number Two giggled.  "A bumper car."  He wiggled his hips in his chair.

Aika smiled.  "Bachelor Number One, same question."

Number One considered for a moment.  "I'd be most like a Stealth Bomber,
but if I had to choose from those three, I'd be a sports car.  Sleek,
fast, streamlined."

"Very nice," the contestant muttered, writing furiously.  She looked up
suddenly, blushing.  "Uh, Bachelor Number Three, if we were making
whoopee, what animal's noises are you most likely to make: a bull's, a
monkey's, or a mouse's?"

"*SQUEAK*!" came the reply.

"I take it that would be a mouse," Aika chuckled in slight
embarrassment.

Jack cleared his throat.  "Actually, he said 'a duck'."

Aika glanced at the host.  "That wasn't one of his choices."

"But that's what he said," Jack insisted.

The contestant turned her torso towards the spiky-haired man, causing
her arsenal to clatter softly around her.  It had the effect of dropping
a tactical nuke in the middle of a mosh pit.  Jack swallowed thickly.
"Um, why, er, don't you go ahead with your next question?"

"I think I will," Aika said, sounding more confident.  She smoothed down
her shirt, fingers lingering on the bands of bullets wrapped around her
shoulders and across her chest.  "Bachelor Number Two, what elements
make up your ideal date?"

"My ideal date?" Number Two asked.  "Do you mean 'date' as in an event,
or 'date' as in a person?"

"The event," Aika clarified.

"Ah, okay," Number Two smiled.  "I guess it should start with a nice
dinner out, followed by a romantic love story at the theater, and then a
walk along the beach or in a park until she has to be home for her
curfew."

"How sweet," Aika grinned.

"How nauseating," Jack commented.

"How... girlish," Number One contributed.  The audience laughed.

"*Squeak*," Number Three added his two cents.

"You said it," the host agreed.

Aika glared at Jack until he shrunk back a few inches.  He cleared his
throat nervously, shifting his weight from foot to foot, before saying,
"So, ah, we're on your last question, aren't we?"

"Yes," the girl replied, tapping her pen against her chin.  "This one is
for all three bachelors, starting with Bachelor Number One.  What trait
do you look for most in a woman?"

Number One thought for a moment.  Finally, he said, "Stamina."

The audience hooted.  Aika blushed, then went on, "Bachelor Number Two?"

"Honesty," Number Two said quickly.  "Definitely honesty."

The girl smiled.  "And Bachelor Number Three?"

Number Three was silent for a few seconds.  Then he erupted with,
"*SqueaksqueakSQUEAKsqueeeeak*!"

Aika looked to the host for a translation.  Jack looked embarrassed.
"Well?" the girl demanded impatiently.  "What did he say?"

Jack gulped.  "He said, 'She has to look great in a bathtub.'"

The audience laughed raucously.  Aika frowned and made another note.
Jack loosened his tie.

"All right!  It's time for a commercial break while Aika tries to decide
which one of these bachelors she wants to take with her on her Dream
Date!"  He walked over to the wings where his assistant was waiting.
"Do we have a sponsor yet?"

She grinned and handed him a pink bunny.  He looked at it blankly.
"What am I supposed to do with this?!"

"Go put it down on the opposite side of the stage and turn it on.  Then
when it's finished walking across the stage, turn it back around so it
can walk the other way."

Jack blinked.  "No way!  I'm too dignified for this sort of thing!
You're my assistant, I order you to go do it!"

The associate producer walked up.  "Is there a problem here?"  She
looked at Jack's assistant. "You told him what he was supposed to do,
correct?"

"Hey, wait a second!  You really expect me to --"

"Yes, I do.  Do it NOW."  Jack yelped and ran off to do  her bidding.
As soon as he turned his back she exchanged grins with the assistant.
She then started snapping out orders.  "Camera One, follow that bunny!
I'd like some background music of some kind!  Jack, start reading that
cue card!"

Jack's assistant ran out and held up a cue card.  "Right.  Okay!  Do you
parents out there want something that will occupy your children for
hours?  Then get them an IDG bunny!  They'll love following after it as
it walks down the halls, and then will happily turn it around again to
have it walk the other way!  Wow!"  Jack paused as he leaned down to
turn the bunny around.  "Just like that, ladies and gentlemen!  It will
amuse anyone with a low IQ..."  Jack glared at his assistant and started
to say something when the associate producer interrupted him.

"Get the bunny off the stage!  Jack, you're on again in three...two...now!"

Jack plastered a smile upon his face and faced the cameras.  "Welcome
back to the ImproDating Game!  Aika's made her decision and she can't
wait to share it with you!  Are you ready, Aika?"

"I think so," the girl said, chewing her bottom lip.  She glanced at her
card. "I choose Bachelor Number Two."

At first there was silence, and then the entire building exploded with
giggles and catcalls.

"Well, then," Jack smiled widely, "Let's meet who you didn't pick.
Bachelor Number One is a man with a mission -- he seeks and destroys
paranormal life forms!  Meet Mitsu-chan!"

Aika's eyes lit up when Mitsurugi came around the wall, his crossbow
still in his right hand.  He stopped and assessed Aika as well,
appreciatively, and then bowed.  "I'm sorry this didn't work out," he
told her.

"Me too," Aika sighed dreamily.  "Maybe next time."  She got all
starry-eyed for a moment.

Then the Mystery Club member was walking past her, muttering, "And don't
call me Mitsu-chan," to Jack.  He stalked offstage.

Jack made a face at the retreating Mitsurugi, then turned back to smile
at the audience.  "Now let's meet Bachelor Number Three.  He's the
brains behind all that is controversial!  Come on over, " Jack looked at
the index card and did a doubletake, "Mr. Duck?!"

The stagehand rounded the wall with Mr. Duck in his hand.  Aika started
to reach out to shake the stagehand's hand, but instead he deposited the
yellow bit of plastic in the girl's hand and continued offstage.  Aika
stared at the rubber duck blankly.

Jack snatched Mr. Duck from the girl and tucked him into a pocket.  "Now
then, let's meet the bachelor you chose!  He's sweet, sophisticated, and
a snappy dresser!  He told you he'd shop at Victoria's Secret for
himself -- meet Kouji, from H! flash!"

There were more catcalls from the audience this time as Kouji rounded
the wall and came face to face with Aika.  The girl just stared at the
"bachelor" she'd chosen as he posed in his red miniskirt, sailor top
with red bow, and matching red pumps.  Finally, Aika's sense of
propriety returned and she extended her hand.  "Nice to meet you,
Kouji.  I'm sure we'll have fun."

Kouji nodded.  "Definitely!"  He shook her hand, linked his arm in hers,
and dragged her offstage.

Jack smiled after them, then said, "Well, folks, that's it!  Let's bring
out our lucky winners again and tell them where they're going!"

Hiroshi, Becky, Aika, and Kouji stepped out from backstage and stood by
Jack, Hiroshi and Becky on one side, with Aika and Kouji on the other.
Jack beamed as he looked at the two IFF mascots standing to either side
of him.  "For your Dream Dates, we're sending you to the ...where are we
sending them?"  His assistant stepped out from backstage and handed him
an index card.  "Ah!  You guys are lucky tonight!  You're going to the
IFF County Fair!  There'll be farm animals for you to look at, lots of
good cookin', and square dancin' the night away!  You'll be staying at
the extravagant County Campgrounds in luxurious pup tents!  And look, we
even have some sleeping bags too!"

Hiroshi groaned, Aika and Becky exchanged glances, and Kouji bounced
happily.

Jack wound up his little speech.  "Join us next time here at the
ImproDating Game, where love is in the air and I get paid to orchestrate
it!  Let's give 'em an IDG kiss, shall we?"  The five blew kisses to the
audience and posed with their arms held out.  "Good Night Everyone!"
they cried in unison, flashing smiles to the cameras.

The audience applauded, and the cameras faded to black.

Backstage, his assistant and the associate producer accosted Jack.
"Hand over the duck, Jack," his assistant demanded.

"What duck?" Jack asked innocently.  Well, he attempted innocence; he
achieved suspiciously vacuous.

"In your pocket," the associate producer prompted, "Where you stashed
him."

"What pocket?"  Now Jack approached idiocy.

The associate producer snapped her fingers, and three stagehands
appeared.  They took Jack by the shoulders and tore off his sports
jacket, then handed it to Jack's assistant.  She fished around in the
pockets until she came up with Mr. Duck.

"From now on, Mr. Duck stays with me," Jack's assistant told the host.
"For safe keeping."

Jack looked at the women nervously,  "You won't hurt him, right?"

The associate producer laughed.  "We couldn't do that to Mr. Duck, now
could we?"

"*Squeak*!"  Mr. Duck offered.

*****

Stephica:  Well, this was fun!  It's my hopes that should this get voted
in, later authors use as many IFF (and other!) characters as possible,
and also include synopses of the dates from the previous episode.
Beyond that, have fun with it! I did.  Thanks to Delfina for letting me
in on this.

Delfina:  Wai!  We rock!  And we did it even though it was said that it
couldn't be done!  Muhahaha!  Doubt us not!  We'd also like, in addition
to dates being seen a bit, the characters to not be so canon with their
impros.  For instance, Hiroshi didn't end up with either Lilith OR Rei.
He ended up with Becky!  Wai!

Thanks very much to the USELESS prereaders (Ardweden, Todd, Phoebe, Kristen)
who didn't catch any spelling/grammar errors or whatnot for us.  (Although
Kristen did find a > that had accidentally gotten in.)  :P