Jack entered the rafters and smiled. The show was on break advertising some of that Goddamn Tea again. He looked at the set up. He knew the line up ahead of time, some unassuming teenage girls and some unassuming guy. "That's rather boring...it needs to be more...controversial," Jack thought to himself trying to smile in his typical, small child-frightening manner, but the ninja mask made it hard to speak, let alone smile in such a horrific manner. He jumped down to the back stage area stealthily and entered the bachelor's dressing room. Minutes later, after several phone calls, a young man and a pizza delivery guy stood at the entrance to the studio. Jack opened the door and smiled. He let the boy in, grabbed the pizza and closed the door. Walking into the dressing room with the man, he heard the pizza boy scream in terror as security got to him. "So what do you want Jack?" The you man looked at him as he spoke in a deadpan."I just want you to help me out, you know? We need a ratings boost and all," Jack said, nervously. "Hmm...but isn't this a dating show? I got enough problems dating as it is!" "You'll be fine kid, believe me," Jack smiled once more, sending chills through the young man's spine. *** The entire set was outraged. "Where is the bachelor?!" The floor manager asked. "Where's Anne?" The assistant producer yelled in the shuffle. "Right here, "Anne said annoyed, seeing as it was the forty-fifth time the same producer asked that question. The crowd was beginning to get restless, even with the Goddamn Tea giveaway and other such tactical diversions. "I bet this is Jack's fault! Where is he!" "No time! Here' the bachelor!" a cameraman noted."Wait! That's not him that's-" the producer said as he was interrupted by the floor manager. "We're on in five, four, three..." The floor manager said counting down *** Campy music played as Anne stood on stage smiling. She was rather confused as she was given a new batch of cards with crossed out names and new names written in with crayon. "Uh...Welcome back to the Impro Dating Game! I'm your host Anne and today we have a rather, uh, unique situation for today bachelor. Speaking of Which here he is, Ranma Saotome!" The crowd cheered as the now very nervous young man approached the stage and nodded hello to Anne and sat down in the main chair. "It's nice to have you here Ranma." "Umm...it's nice to uh, be here Anne." "Um, so why did you want to appear on the Impro Dating Game?" "Um, uh...it was on a bet!, yeah, that's right," Ranma said with some newfound confidence. "Are you sure your not looking for romance?" Anne coyly suggested. Inwardly she felt kind of bad for Ranma, but needed the job too badly to have much sympathy for the boy. Ranma looked quite nervous, offering dead silence. Anne shrugged and said, "Well let's get started. Ranma, you've shown up at an interesting time today, so let meet our contestants!" A deep, Don Pardo-esque voice rang out over the loudspeaker. "Bachelorette Number 1 is a high school student with double the exitement! Let's hear it for her!" he said as a modest looking girl sat down. "Hi!" Bachelorette # 1 said, waving to the audience. "Bachleorette Number 2 is Another high school student with charms as good as her grades..."Compared with #1, Bachloerette #2 was much prettier and endowed, providing the usual male attention sprinkled with female praise as well. "And Bachleorette Numeber 3 is a woman with a interesting occupation!" This woman by fairly oozed sexuality, cheers from both sexes emanated as she walked to her chair and sat down. "Okay," Anne said, "Let's get started!" Ranma nodded and read the first question from an randomly colored stack. "Um This is for Bachelorette number1...What do you want in a relationship?" "Um, I think I'm looking for someone who can accept me, even with any of my faults," she said curtly and a bit quietly. Whereas most people were moderately impressed by the response, Ranma had taken the worst case scenarios in his head and nervously said, "Um...bachelorette number 2, what do you want in a relationship?" Bachleorette 2 thought carefully before replying, "Well, I think I just want affection and mutual attraction." She nodded garnering the general approval of the audience. Ranma shrugged and went to a different question. "Um Bachleorette number 3, what is one of the qualities that your most proud of?" "Hmm, " she thought for a moment before saying, "I think my best quality is my ability to, unopposed, enslave entire worlds and turn them into hedonistic mindless dimensions of sexual stimulation, where cucumbers are the only grown vegetables." There was total silence. Anne and Ranma blinked. "R-r-r- rrrealy...Um, uh...Bachelorette number 1, what is 'your' favorite quality?" "Um, I think it would be my ability to see things from more than one point of view. I'm able to moderate arguments," she said, now looking a bit frightened at the third bachleorette. "Bachelorette Number 2, um, what?" Ranma looked confused, "kind of girl do you like!? WHAT?!" Ranma screamed and shook his head after noting the red crayon said question was written in. "Um," The girl blushed a deep red, "I like girls who are kind, sweet, but also outgoing as well,"The audience smiled and even let an enthused "aw" as is typically expected from audiences on television shows. Ranma, though slightly disturbed shook his head and threw away the cards."Okay, final question for everyone... Would you follow me to the ends of the Earth, in a insane, if futile attempt to have me for yourself to the detriment of surrounding people, other nations, and my own sanity?" Bachleorette #1 said, "I'd feel really attached if I fell for you, but really? No." Bachleorette #2 said, "I'd feel really hurt if the one I love went away," she said. Bachleorette #3 replied, smugly, "Of course. You'd never be able to escape my sexual grasp..." Ranma stifled a yelp of fright and said, "Um okay." Anne sighed and looked towards Ranma, "Okay, so Um...have you made your decision?" "Um, Yeah." Ranma nodded "I choose...Number 1"The audience applauded as Anne smiled and said into her mike. "Alright, let's see who you didn't pick!" Anne said as the announcer spoke from the ceiling."Bachleorette number 2 Is a High school student who has a crush on her best friend, from "H! Flash", it's Eiko!" The nubile teen made her way to Ranma looked him over. She shrugged. "It's okay, I like girls anyways, no loss" she said as Ranma paled. "Bachleorette Number 3 is a sexual Demoness with a hatred of bishoujo senshi, from "Nut-Punch Kamen", it's Queen Blue Balls!" Ranma yelled out in fright while bleeding fairly copiously from his nostrils. "You could have been a sexy youma general...oh well," she said teleporting away. "Well, Uh, anyway..." Anne said nervously, "Let's bring out our winner. A pretty normal girl with a pretty normal male twin entity, from "West Eastwood High", its Makoto! The cute teenage girl stepped out in front of Ranma and said hello to him. From the audience a young man, looking quite similar to her walked on stage next to Makoto. Ranma blinked, "So um, uh, are you Makoto?" not sure to who he should point to. "Yes, " they both said. "So do you just want to do a dinner and a movie?" the female Makoto asked. "Or would you rather go to a cofeeshop and talk until sunrise?" the male Makoto asked. "Uh...oh god..." he said as a sudden stream of water fell on Ranma, its temperature sufficiently low so that he changed gender. Ranma slightly freaked out and the development intrigued Makoto and Makoto. Anne looked up to see a black figure jump down. He grabbed the mic from Anne and took off his mask, revealing the shock of ultra spiky hair and the glaring smile. "Is it polygamy? polyandry? It's both in one!" Jack said. "Thanks for watching the Improdating game! Goodnight! Save Mr. Duck! Save Mr. Du-IHIFGWFGH!" Jack said until suddenly rushed offstage by security guards. "Shrug, Great now I need some hot water...""I guess the cofeeshop it is then," The male Makoto said as each Makoto grabbed one of Ranma's hands and skipped out of the studio, confusing the hell out of everyone, especially the producers of the show. *** Backstage, several people talked. Jack's assistant, though rather petite, was in an uproar. "But he's a mental case! Look what we did, we had an actual 'normal' group for that set and look! All for that stupid duck! He-s" "-Caused the ratings to jump from 5.6 to 15.8?" a random mid-level producer shouted. "Back on the air!" the head producer yelled. Sadly, for Jack's assistant, there was no logic to romance, or to Jack, which is why she felt faint after being accidentally bashed on the head with a giant mallet. *** Author notes: Ouch! My life sucks sometimes. My PC works, though my monitor has decided to break on its own and frankly, Linux/SunOS/SGI have little to offer in terms of a easy, notepad-esque text editor.Thank you Apple, for Simpletext.Anyways, This was written in the span of five hours or so and I have gone without food or drink or sanity for those said hours. Plugs:Go IFR!! *_*Go Indie Madnesse ^_^Go Otaku Wish Fuffilment Theater! o_O? Go Lesbian ChiaPet Science Fiction Dramedy Action Adventures! @_@? I need sleep. Songs that put me away to the land of the Impro:Jammin' by Bob Marley The entire "The Seduction of Claude Debussy" Album by Art of Noise And Kare Kano OST Act 1.0Ranma X. "Formating errors can be adressed by making your hand into a fist, then moving that hand as far away from you as possible, then, keeping that hand still, quickly and forcefully run towards your hand."